"Sleep little Man cub, rest in peace..." Kaa sings in Disney's adaptation of The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling. While we don't possess hypnotic eyes, which if you have ever seen Disney's brilliant adaptation of this timeless classic you will surely know the scene (and if you haven't then I implore you watch it - it is, in my humble opinion, one of the best animations before computers took over the job of animation), there have been times in any parent's life when this would have been a handy trick to have.
One of the biggest challenges I faced and still baffles me today is how to teach good sleeping habits. Sleep comes naturally, right? You feel tired so you lie down to rest, right? So why the need to learn it? Well, apparently in some cases it does need to be taught! And then reconfirmed several times over as time progresses. Even when there is perfectly reliable habit forming where the same things happen suddenly it is out of whack.
So after doing all the leg work and putting in the hours, it now should be second nature. Well, not quite, as I found out to my dismay when we moved. For four months, while we waited for our shipment we struggled. We tried everything but it all ended with a very cross, overtired and over hyped Munchkin. One crucial element was missing - the rocking chair! For nearly 2 years of her life I had lovingly rocked her, at first she would go to sleep on her own, but then for some inexplicable reason she refused to go to sleep at nap times on her own and still remains that way today. However, rocking her to sleep in the afternoons didn't seem to bother me, in fact it was nice down time to cuddle her for twenty minutes as she drifted off. My thought was, soon she will be too old for this and we were never away from home long enough for it to become too much of an issue. It would have been handy to have a child who could just sleep anywhere, anyhow, at the drop of a hat - but I am not like that and so neither is she.
Needless to say, that now our belongings have been returned to us, chair intact, nap times are lovely peaceful events that happen every (well almost) afternoonn and life is once again is in order, which makes me very happy indeed (I like order). What I'm trying to say, rather long windily, is that sleep is a primary goal that most people over look. And teaching children from a young age its importance should also be a primary goal. After being able to restore nap times (quite easily done once we had the rocking chair back, which was a relief after such a long stint without), I was told by the Munchkin's childminder that she was a completely different person, full of cuddles, smiles and energy. Not the tearful and withdrawn person she had first met. Of course nobody knows their child better than themselves and you can't force a child to sleep, but by directing their bodies to slow down and stop for even just twenty minutes a day is important. There are times when she doesn't sleep, but we have rocked and cuddled for an hour and sometimes this is enough. The same goes that if we spent a quiet morning playing in her room she might not need to sleep. There is no hard and fast rule, but usually after lunch she is ready for some sort of rest and goes into it willingly. Waking up refreshed and ready for more action. The same goes for bedtime. It moves according to her mood and what she has been up to during the day. Generally I prefer her to be in bed by 8.30pm at the latest, but occasionally she can be heard chatting away to her bears as late as nine o'clock. This doesn't bother us as parents. As I said, you can't force children to sleep, but they can have direction into what is acceptable.
Now, nap times (and a reasonable bedtime) are also important for the parent too! I used to say, but I should be doing something, like cleaning the house! But then I realised that doing something that was just for me for two hours a day also helped my own inner peace and recharged my own batteries. So when the fun started again I was ready for it and actually had more energy in the evening, instead of collapsing in a heap at eight o'clock in the evening, which was not well received by other members of the household - and rightly so. Evenings should be all about adult time - whatever that might be! We have rekindled movie/date night. We take turns to pick out a movie and make some popcorn, turn off devices and enjoy a film together as if we were in the cinema. Another thing we have started to do is have a game night together and bring out the old board games or play a retro video game (my husband wins frequently, but I still enjoy the challenge and it feels really good on that rare occasion to finally win!).
It is all to easy to talk about it I know, and what works for one family might not for someone else. I have had preconceived ideas of parenthood, but I did know there would be areas that I would struggle, sleep was one (I love my sleep and hate feeling tired, even more so the special brand of tiredness you only seem to experience once you become a parent), potty training the other (still embarking on this one). And after, in desperation paying a princely sum to a woman to share her secrets with me and to tout the same advice I had had time and time again, it would have been nice for some one to share with me their experiences. Or maybe they did but I was too frazzled to listen!...
When embarking on the whole sleep notion, I was naive to think (as the books made me believe) that given time my child would develop and "grow" into good sleep habits, without the need of intervention. She would mature, need less feeding, wake less in the night and without any help sleep through the night. And the first night she actually did this I woke with a start and immediately went to her bedside to make sure she was okay. The following night she was up again! It was after visiting my parents and being up four or five times in the night, that when we got home, jet lagged, exhausted beyond all reasonable measure, that we decided that the problem was not going to go away on its own and intervention was needed. So, at nine months, we did the unthinkable, we let her cry it out. My husband and I took turns to sit with her, while we sang songs and stroked her head. While I don't condone this method, and to this day I wish there was another way, it broke the cycle (and as my lovely health visitor said to me, babies and toddlers form habits quickly, but break them just as easily) and she began to sleep through the night waking only once, which quickly changed after we stopped responding right away. Giving her ten minutes to settle she generally went back to sleep. It was torture though, listening to my baby cry, loud and angrily, however I knew she was well fed, warm and comfortable and really I was teaching her a great life skill, I sought comfort in this. Upsetting as it maybe. After the ground work was done, we were able to tweak it so it suited our parenting style and to the Munchkins personality. Now we eat (so hunger is not an issue), have a drink of water (so thirst can't be an excuse), have a fresh diaper on (so there is comfort), I let her choose the stories (so she has some control) and then we rock, sing songs and cuddle. Lately, there is a bear that is not present that just has to be there and tonight she didn't want to go to sleep, which has been building for a few days. However, now she is older I can come to the route of problem more quickly - apparently we have too much fun during the day making it hard to end to the day. As problems go, I guess providing too much day time fun is better than other alternatives. Life in a Toddler's eyes, no matter how mundane, is exciting and stopping to sleep is low on a list of priorities. Explaining to her that tomorrow will come, and we will have more fun, but we need the sleep in order to do it, seemed to help somewhat. As a child I was given the Serenity Prayer to say and I did seek comfort in challenging times. I now recite it to the Munchkin when she is feeling overwrought with life's challenges. It goes as follows, for those who are not familiar with it.
It is all to easy to talk about it I know, and what works for one family might not for someone else. I have had preconceived ideas of parenthood, but I did know there would be areas that I would struggle, sleep was one (I love my sleep and hate feeling tired, even more so the special brand of tiredness you only seem to experience once you become a parent), potty training the other (still embarking on this one). And after, in desperation paying a princely sum to a woman to share her secrets with me and to tout the same advice I had had time and time again, it would have been nice for some one to share with me their experiences. Or maybe they did but I was too frazzled to listen!...
When embarking on the whole sleep notion, I was naive to think (as the books made me believe) that given time my child would develop and "grow" into good sleep habits, without the need of intervention. She would mature, need less feeding, wake less in the night and without any help sleep through the night. And the first night she actually did this I woke with a start and immediately went to her bedside to make sure she was okay. The following night she was up again! It was after visiting my parents and being up four or five times in the night, that when we got home, jet lagged, exhausted beyond all reasonable measure, that we decided that the problem was not going to go away on its own and intervention was needed. So, at nine months, we did the unthinkable, we let her cry it out. My husband and I took turns to sit with her, while we sang songs and stroked her head. While I don't condone this method, and to this day I wish there was another way, it broke the cycle (and as my lovely health visitor said to me, babies and toddlers form habits quickly, but break them just as easily) and she began to sleep through the night waking only once, which quickly changed after we stopped responding right away. Giving her ten minutes to settle she generally went back to sleep. It was torture though, listening to my baby cry, loud and angrily, however I knew she was well fed, warm and comfortable and really I was teaching her a great life skill, I sought comfort in this. Upsetting as it maybe. After the ground work was done, we were able to tweak it so it suited our parenting style and to the Munchkins personality. Now we eat (so hunger is not an issue), have a drink of water (so thirst can't be an excuse), have a fresh diaper on (so there is comfort), I let her choose the stories (so she has some control) and then we rock, sing songs and cuddle. Lately, there is a bear that is not present that just has to be there and tonight she didn't want to go to sleep, which has been building for a few days. However, now she is older I can come to the route of problem more quickly - apparently we have too much fun during the day making it hard to end to the day. As problems go, I guess providing too much day time fun is better than other alternatives. Life in a Toddler's eyes, no matter how mundane, is exciting and stopping to sleep is low on a list of priorities. Explaining to her that tomorrow will come, and we will have more fun, but we need the sleep in order to do it, seemed to help somewhat. As a child I was given the Serenity Prayer to say and I did seek comfort in challenging times. I now recite it to the Munchkin when she is feeling overwrought with life's challenges. It goes as follows, for those who are not familiar with it.
Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
So there you have it... My thoughts and experiences. It isn't fool proof, we do have bumps in the road, it is frequently challenged. But the nice thing is that it can be adapted and even I use it to prepare myself for bedtime - minus the rocking and singing!
What do you do to have a well earned beauty sleep?
